being-with-steve-4

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Subject: Being with Steve: Chapter 4 The sun peeked in through a small gap in the curtain, stirring me out of a deep and dreamless sleep. The digital clock on the desk across the room ready out 9:04 in dim blue light. I rolled on my back and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, and shot up as the memory of last night hit me full force. Part of me thought going through with it had been a dream, maybe a nightmare… the new day had brought questions to mind that the intoxication of companionship the previous night did not. Was I gay now? I sure acted it last night. While I wasn’t physical with Steve at all, I sure as hell let him control me beyond belief, and had he initiated, I can say with certainty that I would have gone along with whatever he had in mind. The revelation that my sexuality was not as concrete as I had thought caused a momentary panic, followed by regret. I wasn’t sure this was me… I wasn’t sure this was what I wanted. I was lonely, Steve was giving me attention, and the prospect of affection that I hadn’t felt in months. I knew I needed to chalk the night up as a mistake, one I wouldn’t discuss ever again, and have that be that. I rolled from bed and staggered across the tiny apartment to the restroom and had yet another moment of shame when I remembered that Steve had made me place a diaper on the table in front of him, indicating that I would be open to wearing it. I was humiliated at myself as I looked at myself in the mirror while standing in front of the toilet. The icing on the cake being my entirely hairless body making me appear as if I were heading back to elementary school after my shower. I wondered what friends back home would say if they knew. I wonder what Sarah would say if she knew. I tried as hard as I could to shake the memories out and get ready for a Sunday of… well… nothing, I guess. I showered, had a snack, and settled into the chair across from the TV ready for another exciting day of binging whatever show caught my eye. Queer Eye… huh. It hit a little too close to home, but decided to watch it all the same. Roughly 20 minutes into the episode, I realized that I hadn’t grabbed my phone from the nightstand this morning, so I took the 10 steps or so required. Lifting the phone up, I noticed a few new texts. One from my Mom asking if I would be home for my sisters birthday in a few weeks – yes, I replied. I could use some family time. Another from the bank showing a low account balance. The third was from Steve. I knew it was right when I picked up the phone, but I couldn’t bring myself to open it right away. The familiar blue bubble popped up when I clicked, it simply read “Email”. My laptop was on the floor next to the chair, I lifted to grab it and powered it on. Going to my spam Yahoo account I see quite a few emails waiting, all were junk except for one. __ “Addy – Good morning. I hope you’re feeling alright as you’re reading this. I know last night may be a lot for you to process. I know. I can remember being there. What happened last night was between two consenting adults. Two adults that are taking a chance that there may be something of a spark between them. I know you were frightened last night, but you still showed up on-time, and followed all of the instructions I had provided for you. For that, I am proud. That took courage. I won’t take much time writing this as my only intent is to show you support during a frightening point in your life, and to selfishly hope that when you make the decision to turn toward or away from whatever made you respond to my posting, that the direction you turn will lead you into my arms. Yours affectionately – Steve.” __ Tears welled up in my eyes as I read through the email again. I couldn’t believe how genuine he seemed. I thought that I was just another naive guy he picked up off of Craigslist and that he’d have another in a few days or so, but if that were true, I don’t think he would waste his time writing me. I deliberated on responding for a few minutes, but decided a genuine email deserved a genuine response. __ “Thank you for writing. I am trying to process what happened last night still. Part of me loved it, but another part of me is more frightened than I think I’ve ever been. ataköy escort It was nothing you did, I’m just unsure of where to go from here.” __ I hit send and took a deep breath. I really did enjoy myself last night. It was thrilling. I was scared, but I was also afraid of what would happen to me if I kept living life how I had been. I knew I was depressed. I was near my own personal rock bottom. I hadn’t turned to drugs or alcohol yet, but occasionally between episodes on Netflix, when the screen would go black, I would see the reflection of someone I didn’t know looking back. The gaunt little guy that stared back wasn’t who I wanted to be. His sunken eyes were nearly dead, I couldn’t be him. I would rather be happy as Steve’s boyfriend than be the image the Ghost of Christmas Future was showing me in the black mirror of my TV. I pulled up the text from Steve and responded “can we talk?” and waited, hoping I didn’t cause a riff with my email. Nearly and hour had passed with no response. I began to accept that I had destroyed any chance I had with Steve, and rightfully so. I didn’t exactly respond in a positive manner. I jumped nearly out of my chair at the first knock on my apartment door. I wasn’t expecting a delivery, and I never had visitors. I sat deathly still in the chair as if my motion would tip off my presence. The second knock was louder. I crept to the door, staying as far from the window as possible and peeked into the peephole. It was Steve. He was standing at the door in a nice shirt and slacks. He had a box in his hand with a red bow encircling the silver paper. “Umm.. just a moment…” I stammered, mortified at the thought of him seeing my dingy basement apartment with no appreciable natural light. I scrambled to turn lights on and threw a shirt on over my head and tried in vein to fix my bedhead. I rushed back over to the door and unlocked the deadbolt, hoping he had moved away from the door enough that I could exit and speak to him outside. “Adam, may I come in?” Steve said with a smile, moving past me before my official answer was delivered. “Uh, sure – sorry for the mess.” “Don’t be, I doubt you expected company.” he responded. He towered in my small apartment, his 6’6″ frame seeming cramped under my 8′ ceilings. He moved over toward the chair and set the expertly wrapped box on the table. “I got you a little something… since I wasn’t here for your home-warming party…” he said with a grin. “Thanks, you really didn’t ha-” “I know I didn’t have too. I don’t have to do many of the things I do, Adam. I want to do them. I wanted to do this. If you’ve learned anything about me from the last week its that I tend to do what I want.” he said with a smirk and a wink at the end, emphasizing the good nature he intended from the comment. “Well, I appreciate it.” I said, moving toward the box. “Should I open it now, or…” “Yes, please do. I figured you could wear it to lunch today.” he said as he gestured toward the box. It wasn’t heavy, but had some heft to it. I pulled the red ribbon and placed it back on the table, then began to peel the paper slowly and carefully, trying not to rip the beautiful silver paper. “An Apple Watch!? Steve, these are like four hundred bucks! Way too much!” I exclaimed, in shock that he would think this was a casual gift. “I know that, baby. Keeping the watch comes at a price… this isn’t so much a gift as it is a commitment from you to me.” “Steve, I’m not so sure I -” he cut me off by pulling me in for a hug. “Listen, Adam…” he said as he held my head to his chest “the watch is a tool to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. You need to exercise. You need to eat better. If you promise me that for the next 30 days you’ll try harder to take better care of yourself, the watch is yours to keep. Okay?” I reflected for a moment that Steve was really concerned for me. This didn’t seem like something he was doing to manipulate me into more. “Okay, it’s a deal.” I said with a smile. “Perfect! Now get dressed in something a bit nicer, we’re going to Parkside Tavern for lunch. Reservation in 30 minutes.” he said breaking the hug and kissing me on the forehead. merter escort The butterflies in my stomach at that moment almost carried me to the closet. I put on my only nice pair of slacks and a checkered blue and white button up shirt. I pulled on some slip on brown Oxfords and Steve and I left my apartment together, both with smiles plastered on our faces. The ride to the Tavern was short, only a few miles toward the nice part of town that Steve lived in. It was a fancy place situated between a prestigious country club and the large lake backing up to Steve’s gated community. The restaurant was pretty empty, the golf crowd hadn’t hit quite yet and they had only just begun serving lunch. We were seated at a table overlooking the water, and Steve had again slipped a $20 bill into the hand of the hostess to ensure we had our privacy until the last available moment that table nearest us be needed. “It’s pretty cute that even the smallest watch looks so large on your wrist.” Steve teasingly pointed out. I blushed and twisted the watch a bit to straighten it up, and refastened the Velcro to hold it a bit tighter. I fiddled around with the watch a bit more, looking out of the window at the shimmering water and waited for Steve to break the silence. I glanced back at him, my eyes diverting up to meet his gaze, still amazed at how he seems to tower even while sitting. “So, do you want to talk about last night at all… or…” he asked with a glimmer of a smirk. “Umm… yeah, I guess so.” I responded, nearly faint at the prospect of discussing anything like the previous night in public. We were well away from prying ears, so I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what I was sure was going to be an embarrassingly exciting conversation. I straightened in my booth and put both hands folded on the table. “Okay, good. I think its important that we do. First and foremost, the fact that you picked something doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll be used, and items you didn’t select wont necessarily be off the table. I gave you those choices to see how you would react, and to read a bit more into your personality. Does that make sense?” he asked. I shook my head yes, still locking eyes with him. “I’ve given similar choices to other boys… some chose items based on what they thought I would want, some chose based on what they wanted. You were one of the few that chose based on inexperience. I like that. You hadn’t used or experienced anything you saw last night, but you still followed the rules without question. In the ad I posted, I said I wanted someone inexperienced, and generally, the boys that select the big dildo aren’t fresh out of the gate. I was hoping you would pick the smaller one thinking it would be easier to work with at first.” “Yeah, that was my thought process. The other one seemed like it would have ripped me open. I’m not sure I ever want to experience something that size.” I responded, trying to engage more than I had been. “I don’t think I’ll be ready for the smaller one anytime soon though. I’ve never really had experience with anything going… in.” “We’ll work up to it, no worries.” he responded quickly. “This is going to be very enjoyable for both of us. I want a boy that’s going to want to get fucked just as much as I want to fuck, and that isn’t going to happen if his first experience is traumatic.” I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that the learning curve was going to be there. “So what about the other stuff? What does that tell you about me?” I asked. “Well… the panties tell me that you’re innocent, not experienced. The sexy panties would have alluded that you were ready to jump right in… the pink ones let me know that this is going to take a bit of time, much like the dildo.” he answered. I was curious if he really believed his theory, or if he was just trying to justify the items he had presented with deeper meaning, or if they were just there to embarrass me. “So are you expecting me to wear them, or something?” I questioned, trying to keep the tremor in my voice as subdued as possible. “Yeah, you’ll wear them. You’ll wear the other as well, but not at first.” he said, beaming. “I won’t bahçeşehir escort keep you in panties often, but you’ll wear them when I tell you too… is that understood?” “Yes, sir. I was just curious.” I responded. His forcefulness behind the statement caused an erection to start building. I wasn’t thrilled about wearing something so feminine, but the fact that Steve was going to make me was a definitely having an effect on me. “Good. You’ll learn to like them, don’t worry. I could see you being a good panty-boy for Daddy.” he winked as he said that, intensifying the erection building process. “Continuing on… the chastity cage tells me that you’d rather deny yourself pleasure than experience the pain of the butt plug, same theory with the gag.” “Yeah, that’s a safe bet. I really don’t like pain, and I don’t think I’d be into spankings.” “Well, then you’d better behave.” he laughed. “I will, I promise.” “So honestly, the diaper surprised me a bit. Most of the guys I give any alternate choice too would pick anything besides the diapers. Why’d you pick them?” he asked with an intense glare. “Well, the gimp suit looked hot and uncomfortable, and I guess I associated it with pain, or being hit or something. The diaper seemed like it would mean being taken care of, like I wouldn’t have to worry about… I don’t know… abuse.” I answered, looking away. “Adam, look at me…” he commanded. I looked from the window to his face, more serous than I had seen him since we met. “There will be no abuse, there will be no hitting. Do you understand that? I don’t care what kind of relationship this builds into, there will never be anything done without consent, and there will sure as hell never be anything abusive. Is that absolutely clear!?” he thundered. I was certain that others in the restaurant could hear his statement, but I was reassured by it. “I understand, thank you.” I said, with a slight smile and much regret for implying that I was afraid of him abusing me. “Sailboat will be our safe word, snapping your fingers three times quickly will be our safe signal. Let’s just get that out there now, understood?” he said, seeming somewhat angered. “Yeah, that’s good with me. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that I thought…” “No, it’s fine. You’re fine. I just take a strong stance on it. I know you weren’t implying anything.” he said, cutting me off but driving his message home. A brief silence with an exchange of smiles between us was interrupted by the waitress bringing rolls and butter, and inquiring about our lunch order. “He’ll have the steak medallions over rice pilaf with broccoli, water to drink. I’ll have the sea bass, sub out the potatoes for broccoli and a side salad with balsamic. Water to drink as well.” Steve said without missing a beat, or even glancing at me for a confirmation of my order. I sheepishly looked at the waitress and nodded as she looked at me, some confusion on her face. “Thank you, I’ll get this right in. Anything I can get you now?” she asked with a smile, and an awkward glance trying to process the dynamic of the relationship in front of her. “No, that’ll be it. Thanks.” Steve replied with a lovely smile. Steve looked at me, reading the surprise on my face. I hadn’t had someone order food for me since I learned to read. It was an odd feeling, to say the least. “I told you… you’ll eat what I tell you to eat.” he said, his lovely smile affixed to his face still. “I love steak medallions, Daddy.” I said, with a smile to match his. The rest of lunch was uneventful. The steak was delicious, tender and perfectly cooked to a medium rare doneness. Steve inquired more about my family, my school life, and my job. I told him about my parents and our distant relationship, and how school hadn’t been all I thought it would be. I recounted what my normal shift was like, and he too was surprised that I was as isolated as I was during the night. We discussed my classes, and how I really haven’t found my calling yet, all of my classes were considered Gen Ed. We talked for a few minutes after our plates were cleared, then Steve paid the bill and we were on our way back to the SUV. “Thanks for lunch, I really appreciate it. It was nice being here with you.” I said, walking next to him in the direction of the parking lot. “I loved having you here with me as well, baby.” he responded, reaching his right arm around my waste and pulling me close. We walked to the SUV like that, I didn’t care who would see. I liked this guy.

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