Tonya’s Complaint

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Dear Sir or Madam (though likely Sir),I am writing this letter to the management of Fuckboi Productz, a subsidiary of Thrust Inc, a subsidiary of Nasty Players, a subsidiary of Gran’s Old Fashioned Homeopathy.Hello, my name is Tonya [redacted] and I am contacting you with demands for compensation for the damages and distress caused by the use of your product, ‘Whoremungandr’s Sexual Enhancement Supplement’. As counterintuitive as it may be, I will offer my compliments at some cracking wordplay. That was simply a phenomenal take on the spelling of the world serpent.I will preface my next statement by saying my fiancée is kind and quite an attractive man. However, he is quite remedial in most mental faculties and I feel escort bursa as though the branding and packaging were specifically designed to attract poor sweet lambs such as him and extract my hard-earned money from his pocket. As he returned from picking up our take-out Chinese dinner he stopped by ‘Lucky Lucile’s Gas Emporium’ to top off the car. It was here, by the register that your devilishly efficient tactics went to work.As I said before, Chaz is quite easily led by suggestion. The metal-clad serpent shooting lightning from his mouth, coupled of course with the picture of a woman’s mouth biting her lip, was designed to stimulate a male power fantasy. The blatantly phallic bursa merkez escort imagery created the desire in my partner to transform his cock, which I was perfectly happy with, into some sort of writhing hard snake of pleasure.Further, the deceptive claims are, in my mind, not scientifically provable. When one claims they can ‘make her orgasm 10x more powerful’ I feel like you lack actual data to back this up. For one, what unit of measurement is used to rate an orgasm’s power? Secondly, the claim of ‘erections lasting all night’ is simply unsafe if true. Four-hour-long erections should prompt a call to a doctor, an eight-hour one is simply medically negligent to try bursa escort and evoke. For this reason alone, I would request a refund of $8.54. This includes the postage to send this letter. This is not where the problems end, and I have further claims to make.Now my sweet, beautiful simpleton informed me that he had a surprise for me I had hoped it was something along the line of flowers. Instead, it was your dick pills. Pills that he, unfortunately, jammed down his gullet before I could voice concern. After doing so I began to read through the list of ingredients that I believe you have entirely fabricated.There are at least three species on this list that are found in myth alone. I don’t know what you are using to simulate ‘chimera fang’ but I doubt it’s approved by the FDA. The claims of powdered dodo testicles are equally unbelievable and horrifying. Normally I wouldn’t think much about the ‘all organic ginseng but frankly, the other items on the list have created a cloud of doubt around even this.

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